If I die before I wake
by QuicksilverAni
Summary: What if the girl who summons Ai this time is a bit of a smart mouth? A bit of a crack fic from sometime in season one.


_**A/N and Summery all jumbled together: What would Ai, the Hell Girl, do if one of her summoning children was a bit of a smartass?  
Set during the first season, before any of the emotional breakthroughs. **_

Ai lay on the floor of her Twilight home, her Grandmother spinning away beyond the door. She heard the chirp of the computer, and the strengthening of the red glow as a message was received.

And so she gathered Wanyūdō, Ren and Hone and brought the girl to the Twilight Lands, and was greeted by the sight of a 16 year old girl in a black Lolita dress, sitting on the ground, staring wide eyed at the four of them with large, amber eyes, her jet black hair floating around her as it settled.

Ai began the ceremony, stable and steady.

"You have summoned me."

"I'm aware. You must be the Hell Girl. You're quite pretty."

Ai felt the tiniest jolt to her system, and faltered onward, as the eyes of Hone and Ran widened, and steadfast Wanyūdō turned his head towards the young woman.

"My name is Ai." And before she could open her mouth to say another word, the amber eyed girl smiled cheerfully.

"It's nice to meet you Ai, my name is Kai. Ironic, isn't it?"

For the first time in many years, Ai felt flustered. This was not at all going the way things usually went. When others had summoned her they were anxious, afraid, or filled with their desire for revenge. In all the 400 some years she'd been the Hell Girl, she couldn't recall a single time anyone had tried to have a conversation like this.

They had told their stories, they had begged for help, or cried. But this behavior was just strange.

Ai paused, unsure if she should answer or just carry on as was her way.

"Wanyūdō."

"Yes, Miss Ai."

The amber eyes of Kai focused on the older man as he shifted into the form of the straw doll, scarlet string and all. An eyebrow was raised, gracefully, in question.

Ai picked him up, and held him out to Kai, her voice soft and even, as always.

"This is for you."

Kai smiled crookedly, "How thoughtful of you, however did you know I needed an old man straw doll?"

Now Ai felt the tiny bit of annoyance starting to take root in her mind, that this girl who called upon her could be so unimaginably sassy.

Ai did not falter, her crimson eyes wide as ever, her face stoic and her voice even. She could be the Hell Girl no matter who had summoned her, or how obnoxious they were.

"If you truly desire to take revenge on those who've wronged you, just untie the scarlet thread from his neck."

Kai raised her eyes from the doll to meet the crimson eyes of the Hell Girl, and tilted her head, "That's it? No magic spell, no blood offering? I just untie a piece of string and poof, my vengeance is extracted?"

Ai felt a muscle in her face try to twitch, and she could all but feel her companion's shock grow each time this amber eyed child opened her mouth.

"That's all. Pulling this thread will bind you into a covenant with me."

This time Ai was ready when Kai opened her mouth, and pushed on with her ceremonial words, eager to get this done with.

"I will ferry your tormentor straight into the depths of hell."

Kai lit up, probably more then was healthy for a human child, at the mention of said revenge.

"I gotta hand it to you, you sure don't do revenge by halves. Hell, huh? Immediate evacuation from life on earth to an eternity in hell. That's some pretty potent revenge exacting skills."

Ai could have sworn she heard Ren's muffled laugh for a brief moment, but chose to focus on this infuriating human girl in front of her instead. She almost wished she wasn't required to mention the payment, allowing the girl to think she got off, free of charge so to speak. But tradition was tradition.

"However. Once vengeance is served you will have to deliver on your end of the bargain."

Kai's head shot up, and her eyes narrowed in consideration, "My end of the bargain is it? And what, pray tell, would be expected of me?"

"There always has to be a price."

"So I gathered," Kai said impatiently, waving Ai's words away, "I just want to know what that price is."

Ai was so painfully grateful when Hone and Ren took over speaking to the wretched child in front of her.

"When you die, your soul will also belong to hell," Hone said, twisting her body to angle towards the seated girl.

Kai opened her mouth, and was abruptly cut off by Ren, "Not until you die, of course."

Ai finished the thought, while Kai's eyes narrowed in what appeared to be annoyance, "You will never know the joys of heaven. You will wander through a world filled with pain and agony, there to remain for all eternity."

Kai was graced with a scene of horrors and pain, but did not scream, did not writhe. When the scene abated she looked thoughtfully down at the doll in her hands.

"That seems a little screwed up, don't you think? I get tormented on earth by this whack job, and when the human authorities are incapable of doing anything I go to supernatural sources and I find out that in order to get this whack job off my case, I gotta sign my soul over to the devil? This is like a bait and switch tactic!"

Ai wanted to scream. This was becoming insane. This girl summoned her, got mouthy and decided to attack the system.

With a voice that was just a bit strained, Ai finished, "The decision rests with you now."

Kai peered down, and shrugged at the doll. She'd consider the payment.

When she looked up, she was in her room again, sitting on the floor cushion. Holding the straw doll in her hands, she pondered.

Ai, Hone and Ren sat upon a balcony ledge and peered into the window of the frustrating girl. It had been four days and still, nothing.

"Oh Hell Girl!"

Ai winced internally, dreading that voice. But she descended and looked into the amber eyes of Kai.

"Have you decided?"

Kai tossed her head a little, like she was wishing to toss her long black hair.

"Yeah, here ya go," she said carelessly as she tossed the straw doll back to Ai, who caught it unthinkingly, "the more I thought about it, the more I realized what an unfair price you're asking. I mean, sure you got that hottie who works for you, but I can bet he's not gonna be makin' my stay in hell any more enjoyable. I'm sure he's got a cruel streak as wide as the Nile."

With her sensitive hearing, Ai heard Ren curse, insulted. It wasn't even true. He was just a little twisted, in a Peter Pan-mischievous syndrome sort of way.

Kai smirked, "I figure that whack job freak show I gotta deal with is gonna go to hell anyway, no matter if I do a damn thing or not, but I still got a shot at heaven since I only considered revenge instead of actually acting on it. So, I'm gonna try and handle things my way, and you can go on rippin' poor desperate folks off."

Ai felt the muscles in her face twitching in annoyance for the first time in a very, very long time.

Kai locked her hands behind her back and smiled sweetly, "But if you want me to pass the word along, I will…if you send hottie boy over to keep me company sometime. Minus the cruel streak, by the way. Tell Gramps I'm sorry if his stay wasn't too enjoyable, and tell the lady that she really needs to rethink her wardrobe. And as for you, miss Hell Girl, you have gotta get a new uniform. Try the Gothic Lolita thing, you'd be horrifyingly adorable. Later!"

And with that, Ai, Ren, Hone and the newly human Wanyūdō all watched the most annoying girl they'd ever encounter walk away.

Ren peered at Ai out of the corner of his eye, "You wouldn't really send me to her, would you?"

Ai said nothing at all.


End file.
